Growing up I wanted to make people happy and be the person they could depend on. It seemed my goal was to simply make life easier for others if I could. I enjoyed problem solving and giving words of direction when needed. Without a second thought I would say “YES” to most things because I was driven to please others. In my pursue of relationships I would give 100% and more because it was my desire to please. At the cost of my time, health or happiness I wanted to be this friend, sister, leader, wife, mother and business owner that made others happy. Failing at this great assignment was not a choice, I was determined to make it happen. I lived my life this way for as long as I could remember until I started noticing that I was not happy. I was struggling with resentment and anger. Those whom I loved and wanted to please so willingly had come to expect certain things from me I no longer wanted to give. The responsibilities in my life had increased and no one really noticed because I made things look so easy. Who knew that this lifestyle I had created would come crashing down on me. Reality hit me that I could not be in all places at all times. I could not be all things to all people. The reality of failing others made me depress. What was I going to do?
It was time for soul searching to face some things that I had suppressed far to long. What I found at the root of my behavior shocked me!! I had been a people pleaser for the fear of being rejected. All the sacrifices were about rejection! I needed to be liked, loved, accepted and wanted. This truth hit me with a flood of tears and broken heartache. Change was inevitable if I was going to rebuild a healthy lifestyle with others. Being vulnerable to the facts that I may be rejected for not doing what others wanted me to do, was frightening at first. I had to learn how to say no and not feel guilty. The urges to solve problems and be the go to girl were strong but I was learning to resist them for a healthier me. Disappointing others was my new reality. I am a limited person and had to accept that fact in order to move forward. Day by day I would grow to love me, so I would not crumble under the feelings of guilt. Saying “NO” did not make me a bad person. For years I thought being a good person was only to say “YES.” Now I have awoken to the facts that saying “NO” Im still good, loving, kind, fun and deserving of love! Everyone lets people down, it wasn’t only me. I had been let down or disappointed by others that I love and care for and I lived through it. WOW I was living through others disappointing me but did not think others could live through me disappointing them. I’m giggling at how silly it sounds as I write this, but how blind I was then:) Today I am free to be me. Live my life and yes still disappoint others unintentionally or intentionally.
If you have struggled in your past with saying “NO” or fear of rejection how did you get over disappointing others? Are you still there now? If my story has helped in any way please take a moment and let me know how. Thanks for reading:)
Just Appetizers 