Looking into the mirror of my life there has been many reflections of a person who did not believe she was smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough or capable to be the one. My thoughts of myself were low, my confidence depleted by the lost of my dreams, and hope. It appeared as if everyone was qualified but me. Everything I envisioned for myself became the opposite. It was as if I were living another persons life and not my own. Married at 20 then a mother at 21, all these things are good, but not in the order I planned for myself.
As others went on to get their education, career, and flourish I felt like a trader to my own dreams and desires. When would my time come? Words from those who felt it was their place to tell me I was wasting my life, making silly decisions or just simply frown on me began to take its toll. On the outside I looked strong, and together but inside I was crumbling day by day. For years I thought this was all my life would be, but that was not the case.
Its amazing the small things that can change our perspective. One day as I was doing my life, someone who I did not know began to speak to me about how I did what I did. To me it was simple, I just did it without thought. Within that moment I realized that someone saw me, but not as a pitiful person who had thrown her life away to be a mother and wife. For the first time I was recognized as a hero, a person of courage and strength. We spoke for a short while, as I gave small tips to this woman who had seen in me what I had not seen in my self. That was the beginning of change for me. God has allowed me to life this moment to impact others by the simplest things. I was not a doctor, engineer, teacher, or even a college graduate, but someone wanted to hear what I had to say.
The months and years that followed after that moment could only be described as the caterpillar into the butterfly transformation. What I thought I had lost, was a lie. I may not have taken the path way I wanted to take to accomplish the dreams I had. It had become visible to me, that raising seven children was not something to be frowned upon. I had been hired to do the hardest job on earth; and hoping the benefits would one day kick in:) My sacrifice to give up career, education and dreams to be a stay at home mom was not a decision selfish people make but one a selfless person would make. I celebrate moms everywhere, whether you stay home or work; being a mom is hard work!!
Discovering how to live in my new life successfully was giving me purpose and fulfillment:) With every part of my being I surrendered to be the best at what my life had called me to be. I would never be perfect but I was determined to be effective!!
Looking back I have to say the person who gave birth to those seven babies in eight and half years really ROCK!! As my children say ” I am the real MVP.” This journey has taught me much, and I look forward to sharing it with those who want to listen. No one could have told me that others would be interested in my life. For so long all I believed was this lie of not being the one who would make a difference. The road that has taken me to this destination was a road I would not have taken.
How many of us have mapped out our life, only to find that the roads we wanted to take were the opposite. There are many detours in our life map, but one thing is for sure….we all have purpose. We all have a story and we all have a voice. The next time a thought crosses your mind that you failed, or you have nothing to offer, release it!! Some one wants to know how you have taken your simple life and made it look so big!!
Here I am writing a blog. I believed for so long I had nothing to say, and I could not write. But today I know I have so much to say. I may not know who is reading all my post, but the fact that I keep increasing in numbers is an indication that what I am saying someone wants to hear. I live in the new moment of discovery and I no longer say I can not do this or that…I am now saying “Why not me!”
Just Appetizers 